Enough!?

Posted: September 16, 2014 in Life

As a wife/mother, my job is to make sure everything is in order.  Make sure the house is clean, food in frig, dogs are taken care of, kids are clean, laundry is done, and the list could go on and on.  A wife/mother is selfless, responsible, thoughtful, encouraging; plain and simple “ON TOP OF THINGS”.  It is so easy to be proud of how your house looks.  It is nice to hear some stranger tell you that they feel so much love in your home. (Just happened about a week ago.)  But, why do I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough???

Every day I get up and start getting the house picked up, letting the dogs out, making sure my daughter is getting breakfast before school, making sure the house is in order.  Daughter gets to school and then I get the dishes done, dogs get played with, laundry gets done, and finishing up those last “loud” chores before husband gets home from working the night shift.  I want to make sure my husband is comfortable and if he needs anything before he goes to sleep. When my husband goes to sleep it is now quiet time in the house.  (If any of you know me; this part is hard for me!! LOL)  during the rest of the day I wonder what else needs to be done.  I go about my day doing the things that are most important.  By the time everything is done; it is time to think about afterschool snack, dinner, or whatever else needs to be done.  After doing the rest of my job; I just want to relax.  But, dogs need me, still clean up to do, make sure husband has lunch for work, daughter has studied/homework/chores, and the list goes on again.  It seems like I could do so much more, but what?

Today, I have this pain in my heart.  I am missing a friend of mine.  Since we moved to Tennessee I don’t have any friends and if any of you know the “new” me; I am not looking for just any friend.  I want a good Christian friend that wants to hang out and talk about God.  Someone to turn me in the right direction when I turn down the wrong way.  We just started a new church and I am hoping that this will help me to be more involved with the church and find good friends.  But, today I am missing my friend so dearly it makes my heart hurt.  I miss our time together.  I miss our “perspective” talks.  If there is one thing I could do today and not worry about the house I would drive over there and give her a big hug for just being my friend.  Telling her thank you for being by my side, even after knowing part of my past.  She didn’t judge me; she never turned her back on me.  And she is always a phone call away.  Her friendship means a lot to me.  And if you are reading this you know who you are.  I love you and hope we can see each other soon because I am OVERDUE for a “perspective fix”.

Lastly, my other heart pain is distance from my heavenly Father.  I feel like He is a million miles away.  To be honest, I have not been reaching out to Him the way that I should be.  Why?  I don’t know.  Is there anything I do throughout the day that is taking the replacement from Him?  Everything!!  I am stressed, depressed, easily angered, emotional, pretty much a train wreck.  Do I tell family?  UMMM…… NO!  Why?  Because I feel like my problems are not worth their time.  And communication in our home is not the number one priority.  I try because I want to communicate and I love to talk.  But, when there is family around that does not like to talk; why waste their time?  And to be honest, I want someone to stop and pray with me/ for me.  I want God in the communication.  Because HE is #1!!! I want Him close to me.  I miss my best friend and I need Him back! Because I have let HIM be gone for too long.  It is time I reopen my house door and let Him back into my home!! 

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

My prayer today is this;

Psalm 86

Incline your ear, O LORD, and answer me.

for I am poor and needy.

Preserve my life, for I am godly;

save your servant, who trust in you–You are my God.

Be gracious to me, O Lord,

for to You do I cry all the day.

Gladden the soul of your servant,

for to You, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

For You, O Lord, are good and forgiving,

abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;

listen to my plea for grace.

In the day of my trouble I call upon you,

for you answer me.

 

There is none like you among the gods, O Lord,

nor are there any works like yours.

All the nations you have made shall come

and worship before you, O Lord,

 and shall glorify your name.

For you are great and do wondrous things;

you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O Lord,

that I may walk in your truth;

unite my heart to fear your name.

I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,

and I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your steadfast love toward me;

you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

O God, insolent men have risen up against me;

a band of ruthless men seeks my life,

and they do not set you before them.

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

Turn to me and be gracious to me’

give your strength to your servant,

and save the son of your maidservant.

Show me a sign of your favor,

that those who hate me may see and be put to shame

because you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

 

Psalm 101

I will sing of steadfast love and justice;

To you, O Lord, I will make music.

I will ponder the way that is blameless.

Oh when will you come to me?

 

I will walk with integrity of heart

Within my house;

I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.

I hate the work of those who fall away;

It shall not cling to me.

A perverse heart shall be far from me;

I will know nothing of evil.

 

AMEN!!

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